I told myself that this blog would not turn into just pictures of Camden but as my life has changed and my priorities have changed so has this blog. Oh well, all anyone wants to see are the pictures anyway, right?
Things are so different from a mothers perspective. There are so many examples I have of people saying things like "I won't have a problem doing that when I have kids" or "I won't be like that once I have a baby" or I get giggles and a rolling of the eyes when asked to go out for the night and I opt to spend the evening with my family. I feel as though I am being laughed at for that decision. I like to think of myself as independent and thick skinned so the comments don't bother me so much. It just keeps me thinking; why would someone, especially in the first couple months of transitioning back to work, want to NOT spend the evenings and weekends with her child. Am I the odd one out; have the others never been in my situation; am I losing my social group because of my choice? Perhaps my over analyzation is to blame for my questions and thoughts. Perhaps patience is the key for all to understand this delicate time in a mother's life.
Going back to work is difficult, nobody is denying or arguing that point. It is the time spent away from your child outside of work that I'm not sure everyone understands or maybe cares to understand. To each her own, as the saying goes; so perhaps the individuals with the rolling eyes believe what they say is true and will stay true to that once they bare children. I will just address my feelings and emotions on the subject.
Guilt and guilt alone is the feeling that comes to mind on the subject of going back to work after having a child. I'm sure many, if not most new mothers feel this way at least for a few months. This person who has been there for the child from day one of life suddenly disappears for many hours during the day. Regardless of what the infant feels; the mother knows that her child feels abandoned. You as a mother care for your child the best over anyone in the entire world, you know all you child's little cues which can be ever so slight and the stress of being elsewhere thinking about those cues and how the new caretaker won't understand or notice those cues consumes you. You constantly think of something the caretaker should know as you try to resist grabbing for your phone every few minutes.
With all that said, now in the opinion of the author, why would she want to leave her child again after she gets home from 8 hours of being away. I have no answer. There is no denying that a mother needs a break once in awhile; to get away from the household chores and taking care of everyone. This mother prefers to take that break when she is good and ready, after her Peanut goes to bed for the night and preferably once she is confident her Peanut will sleep through the night, or at least sleep at least until she returns home again :)
Feel free to share your comments.
2 comments:
Personally, I don't think that you have to explain yourself to anyone. You are obviously doing the right things for you and your child, because your instinct is telling you that you are doing the right things....and if you can't trust a mother's instinct, what CAN you trust??
I have absolutely no problem identifying with what you are saying. Nine times out of 10 I would prefer to spend the evening (or the weekend) at home with my family....my husband and my furry little baby....(not that I'm assuming for an instant that I am experiencing exactly what a mother feels.....but perhaps to a much lesser extent), but I do know other people who, at the end of the day or the end of the week, crave the chance to go out and socialize. So I guess to each his (or her) own....but to make you feel bad for wanting to spend your free time with your child?? That's just ignorant.
No worries Jessie, you aren't doing anything wrong (in my opinion, anyways!!)
Thank you for your opinion Bethy. It is nice to know someone else shares the same perspective as I do on the topic of family and can at least see it from my point of view. Sometimes I feel as though people without children or perhaps the thought of having children are many years away cannot fathom or understand the feelings a mother has. Or perhaps it may just be a personality trait as you pointed out; some crave the chance to get out of the house whereas others crave the chance to get home and play on the floor; I being in the second mentioned craving.
The more I think about this topic the more I am convinced this goes back to the topic of introversion versus extroversion. Don't get me wrong I know at some point I will be happy to drop my Peanut off at grandma's with no worries and head out for a relaxing night with my husband and/or friends. I will reach that point as I think everyone does. I will be happy to spend an evening or two out each month and be grateful for the time away. But during this crucial not to mention rapid developmental period I want to be there for his firsts (when he rolls from back to belly, crawls, etc). I could not forgive myself if I was out with friends and the babysitter called to say "Camden rolled to his tummy and is rolling all over the place."
Oh and trust me Bethy, I know I am not doing anything wrong; I just find it interesting when someone gives you that look like you should be in a mental institution for not wanting to go out when free babysitting is offered at anytime! Most of the time when this happens I just smile and decline the offer saying I would rather spend the time with my Peanut, but you are more than welcome to come to our place once Camden goes to bed and we can have a "night in" at my place!
Thanks for the comment!
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